Ditching and Getting Ditched 101

Rejection hurts. Ditching somebody is one painful form of rejection. But it’s inevitable. It happens that we get dumped. It happens that we will have to reject people for the sake of our well-being.
Life is constantly changing and we keep getting exposed to new things and meeting new people almost everyday. We have to make room for new things and people in our lives. Sometimes, things ought to end and that’s okay.

LESSONS I LEARNED FROM GETTING DITCHED

Just like everybody else, I got rejected a lot throughout my life. I dealt with it easily and without complications. I would just shed a tear and move on the same day.

But I had this very special friend who I never thought I could handle losing. When my friend ditched me, I was terribly traumatized. All the pain came from taking it personally. My friend ditched me without grace. I thought he meant to hurt me and that I deserved the bitter treatment he treated me. Now I think of it in a better way. Maybe he didn’t know the proper way to ditch someone. Maybe he wasn’t sure how to push me away.

Honestly, him ditching me taught me how to take care of myself properly. I have always kept myself stuck in relationships and with people I don’t want to be with because I thought it wasn’t nice to push people away. I’ve always feared ditching others because I was always afraid it will hurt others. Now I can reject without shame and I can move on from rejection without feeling so much pain. I’ve grown to accept it as a natural part of life. We have to make room for the new.

It would hurt to put your hopes high on a person, and they slip out of your hands. It’s going to happen that we’re going to find amazing people who will walk away. We gotta accept it with grace to be at ease with life. I learned that life goes on. You will lose the most precious things and you will think that you will never be able to carry on with life, but it just keeps going.

Misconception: If people ditch others, it makes them bad, mean, or selfish.

It doesnt.The ones who ditched you are not your enemies. Just people.

Dealing With Getting Ditched

Key: Just shrug it off. 

Don’t overthink it. Overthinking will only make it worse. Don’t think it over till you start questioning your worth and you drown in an ocean of insecurities. Don’t think it till you question everything you did. Sure, know your mistakes, but don’t blame yourself for anything. It has nothing to do with you really. We have to accept other people’s right to refine their lives and pick their friends. But also we shouldn’t forget that we have every single right to move on and shrug it off. 

When getting rejected is a good thing:

Sometimes, we have to be grateful for getting dumped. It could mean that god is preparing us for something better.

“Sometimes rejection is simply redirection.”

Maybe the person didn’t value you enough. God will help you find someone who treats you better and values you like you deserve.

Also, maybe the relationship was bad for you emotionally or spiritually but you didn’t realize it.

Ditching Close People: How To Do It Gracefully

Ditching a close friend or a partner wouldn’t be as easy as ditching any other person.

If that person really cares about you and you’ve been close for a fair amount of time, you have to be very careful for their feelings would be very fragile.

The “how” of rejection is so important so that both parties leave in a win-win situation. Here’s how you do it.

Be hella honest. I can’t stress it enough.

Not brutal. Just gently and simply honest.

Lying about anything will only make it worse.

We might sugarcoat or lie…but trust me, it will only make it harder and much more painful. Lying about things or leaving questions unanswered sucks! Being honest will make the dumping process barely hurt and it will lead to true CLOSURE.

But also, we have to be kind as possible, sensitive, and positive.

Steps:

1. Tell the person that you want to talk about something important.

2. Mention things you value or like about the other person. Ex: “We’ve been close for some time and you’re important to me.”

Or: “I really like you and I’m glad we’ve gotten to know each other.”

3. Say what’s not working. “I’m not that interested anymore.” Or “It doesn’t feel right anymore.” Or “We’re so different and I’m afraid we’ll distract each other.”

4. Say that you want to end it. Ex: “We can’t be friends anymore.” Or “We can’t be close anymore.”

5. Apologize if it hurts. Ex: “I don’t want to hurt you.” Or: “I’m sorry if this isn’t the way you wanted things to be.” Or: “I’m sorry if this hurts you.” Or: “I know this is hard to hear.”

Say something positive. Ex: “I know you’ll be OK.” Or “I’ll always be glad I got to know you.” Or “If you ever need help, though. I’ll be here” Or “There are a lot of people who would be lucky to be around you.”

Listen to what they want to say. Be patient, and don’t be surprised if the other person acts upset or unhappy with what you’ve said.

Give them space. Follow up with a friendly message or conversation that lets them know you care about how they’re doing.

And it will hopefully be just fine.

Remember to take it everything easy. You only got one life. Don’t waste it.

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Dull.

Like withered autumn leaves

Like the wizened skin of a 75-year-old

Like a waterless lake

Like a rainless desert

I am dull.

No love to give.

No desire to live.

No ability to forgive.

No I can’t forget.

With hate and criticism, I withered.

How bitter.

And my thick skin couldn’t last forever.

I am human.

I am looking for that drop of hope to come alive,

So that I can revive,

‘Cause I really miss my old vibe.

I wipe all those tears

And pretend I ain’t dull.

My Survival

The story started when I moved to a new place to complete my middle school education. I spent two uneasy years there. The time I spent was full of negativity. Outcasted, and alienated by most of the people in school, I was bullied and I was surrounded by abusive friends. Some of my friends and I drifted apart, as well. People in that school didn’t give me enough respect or appreciation because I was different and considered “uncool” and “awkward”. All of this certainly affected my emotional and mental health and caused me to forget my worth and neglect my passions and the purposes I am essentially living for. Many mental disorders such as depression and PTSD accompanied me for a while. My confidence became unstable and I was soon full of self-doubt that I’d stopped writing and deleted all of my blogs. Today for some reason, I decided to start writing again. How could I not do something I was created for? I am very glad that I survived this difficult time of my life. I am alive! I am not going to stay stuck in this past. I am letting go of these burdens, for they are too heavy to carry, for they are beyond me. I need to let go so that I could fly. The most important thing is that I learned, and I toughened up. So this is my survival!